2 eyes, 2 ears, a heart, and a voice

I have two eyes to see, that I might find a problem.

I have two ears to hear, that I might understand.

I have a heart to feel, that I can be empathetic.

I have a voice to be heard, that I can make a change.

-Kelsey 4/6/12

This wonderful video about gay-lesbian-bisexual students at BYU came to my attention.
I love it, I encourage it, and I fully support these brave people.

In this post it is not my intent to offend, hurt, or shock anyone. 

I have decided last semester (November 2011) that I will be heard.  I have lived a life no one else has lived, because of this, I can make a change nobody else can.

My lovely, beautiful, awesome Mother has schizophrenia. 

If you just judged me or the people I love (my Mom and family) by that statement in any derogatory way, I forgive you because schizophrenia is something very stigmatized against.   Sometimes, people just don't understand.  I'm here to help you understand.  Make whatever opinion you will.  I will be heard because I have a voice.

This video really hit home to me.  I do not suffer from same sex attraction, but I do suffer from stigma.

Growing up was very difficult because I never wanted to tell anyone that my mother had a mental illness.  People in my extended family have gone through their own denial and rejection of my mom and our family, but thankfully most are now accepting.  If people in my family would reject my mom or deny any real problem, what would a stranger think or do?  Therefore I shut up.

I am not ashamed.  I did not shut up because I was ever ashamed in any way.  I will never be ashamed.  I only shut up because I didn't want to feel that rage and hurt I feel when someone says something rude or judgmental about people who have mental illness.  I cannot always help this knee-jerk reaction of rage and hurt, but I can help whether or not I choose to have a voice about it.

I have felt, as an LDS or "Mormon," that if I only prayed more or were more righteous, that my mom would no longer be sick; the problem would go away.  I know for a fact my awesome, amazing, compassionate Dad has felt that same.  I love how the people in this video finally learned to stop praying for their problem to go away and learn to accept themselves.

I accept myself.  I accept you.

I applaud you for sharing your voice.

We are not given these "trials" of mental illness or same sex attraction because of something we have done wrong in this life or the previous life.  The world is imperfect, our human bodies are imperfect.  Therefore, our brain and every other organ is subject to imperfection much like someone having juvenial diabetes, celiac disease, or near-sightedness.  These "trials" are real.  God knows they are real.

St John 9:1-3
"And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.  And his disciples asked him, saying Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?  Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents:  but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."

Because my Mom has schizophrenia, I am empathetic.  I am kind.  I am aware.  I am close with my family.  I am thankful for everything.  I have had the best life anyone could ask for.  I have the best mother anyone could possibly ever have.  I love who I am.  I am this way because of my life experiences.

I have a voice.

I will be heard.